When Subatomic Particles Collide

We'll find out what happens tomorrow when CERN flips the switch on their brand new Large Hadron Collider. Some fear--lawsuits and death threats abound--the end is nigh. Although this 27 kilometer, 125 (or so) meter-underground experiment will reproduce conditions similar to those present at the Big Bang, most believe we will not see the cataclysmic visions of some transpire.

Some worry that the black holes created by the myriad collisions of subatomic particles in the LHC will survive and grow exponentially to cause hurricanes, tsunamis, or even to just gulp up the entire planet.

The goal of this thing?

• Learn about how our universe was born
• Maybe discover the Higgs boson, the so-called "God particle," which is all theory at present
• Maybe discover extra dimensions of space as predicted by string theory
• Give theoretical physicists something to do on Sundays (see: crunching the data)

Bonne Chance, sciencey peoples!



For Your/My Edification


News on the Eve of



Update (10 September 08):

Success! And we're all still alive (so far)...


Live at First Beam

Happy Birthday, New York City (?)

It's the anniversary (1664), at least, of New Amsterdam becoming New York, after being surrendered by the Dutch to the British Duke of York. Henry Hudson claims to have discovered the land in 1609, however, while searching for a route to India. He was sailing for the Dutch West India Company, which is how the Dutch came to settle it in 1614, six years earlier than Plymouth Rock. In any event, that's a lot of candles (344 years young).

New York is quite the aged one, but it's not the wrinkliest raisin off the vine. Like the state's demographic, Florida claims the oldest continuously settled city in the United States. St. Augustine (1565) is 99 years New York's elder, thanks to Spain who established it as the first permanent settlement in North America.


Narf moment-- If you reverse New York's age, you get St. Augustine's: 344→443


Old New York

Lost in Translation

Just in time--actually, a little too late--for the Olympics.

A little cross-cultural oopsies, via some humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising, product design, and public signage:

How Do You Entertain a Bored Pharoah?

Perusing the news today, I see the headline, World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC. A study commissioned by the television channel Dave and published by the University of Wolverhampton has uncovered some the oldest known jokes.

The oldest? Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

Haha. Those mischievous young women... And those Sumerians...so merry.

So how do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish. (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus).

Hah. Lecherous pharaohs.

Or this one, coming in at number ten: Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." (Collected in the Philogelos or "Laughter-Lover" the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

Hah. Funny thing is I can actually relate to that one. There's always the obligatory banter that the hairperson always starts, to put you/herself at ease, to ingratiate herself for a better tip. I hate small talk sometimes.

...But I do love ancient toilet humor. So bawdy. Like this one from 10th century England: What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key.

Narf!